Mommy Time

I know that it is important for every mother to carve some time for herself.  It may just be a pedicure, a trip to the store by yourself, or a girls night.  Everyone says it will do the soul some good to do something for yourself, especially when you're running around a baby whose only form of communication is grunting or crying.  I know its important.

Its good for a married (or otherwise) couple to make time for each other.  Regular date nights, an evening to themselves, after all you are a couple, as well as parents.  Its nice to have an adult conversation over a meal or coffee, where there isn't a little person in between you demanding your attention.  I know its important.

Its important to have interests that extend beyond motherhood.  You don't need to always be reading information on educating your child, or the next rage in organic foods; its ok to slip in some romance novel while the little one is napping, and heck if he's entertained playing prop your feet up and read a book with one eye.

I struggle with this all the time, and every day.  Especially leaving Lucas.  Its easier to make quick jaunts to the store, inhibited by the little man trying to grab my attention, when all I need to grab is some milk.  Or I have ventured out to get my hair done, and wax every once in a while.  But I'm always leaving him in the capable loving hands of his father, so its a little easier.  Not that there aren't several loving family members who would gladly watch over him for us, and he would be none the wiser of my absence.  The problem is I am the wiser, I know I have left him.

The hubby and I have gone out a total of 3 times without Lucas, on all occasions leaving him with his nonni (grandparents in Italian), and all times we left pretty much an hour before bedtime, and got home fairly early.  We went to dinner once, and spent the whole time talking about Lucas, we went to a charity night and spent the night with family and thinking of our little guy, and last week we went to see a movie and came home feeling guilty.  The last time we went Lucas had a hard time falling asleep, I'm not sure if it was because his routine was thrown a little from the long weekend or if he sensed that we weren't home, and that made me feel so incredibly guilty and sad.

I am not going to lie...I love spending time with my little man, and being his mother is the best job I have ever had, and most times I don't feel like I need the proverbial break from him.  Does he have off days where I find myself pulling my hair out, of course; does he have super energetic days where I find myself laying on the floor letting him climb me cause there isn't enough energy in me for anything else, heck yes!  But most of those days I find the hubby is a huge support to me, just giving me half an hour to myself when he gets home so I can shower and feel human again.  And honestly, sometimes that's enough, I'm ready to tackle the rambunctious little man that he is turning out to be.

Now that Lucas is getting bigger and more interactive we enjoy going out to dinner with him, taking him to the mall, and just going on family outings.  These family moments are what feeds my soul the most.  The hubby and I also make the most of our alone time, since Lucas is on a very good nap and sleep schedule we try to carve moments for one another as much as we can, even if that's a late night movie and tea in bed, or sitting outside and talking.

I of course don't discredit a little alone or couple time, and nap times are super sancrosanct for this mama, but its a work in progress for me still.  I don't know if those feelings of guilt will ever go away, or when I will be able to leave Lucas for a longer block of time, but I will get there eventually.  For now I just enjoy his little smiles and enjoy this time when he wants to be around me all the time. Can you blame me with a face like this