Marcus is Two Months

This update is already a week old and I'm still in disbelief that I'm writing it.  How have two whole months gone by in such a flash; I seriously cannot remember how life was without this little guy, and he has been such a great addition to our family.  He is the best little brother already, and sometimes I feel bad for him cause he takes his big brother's shenanigans in stride and he definitely has to put up with a lot hehe. 

Sleep has had its good days and bad days, which is to be expected this early in the game.  Right now Marcus either has two cat naps in the morning about 20 to 30 minutes long, or a long one if we are out and about; a longer nap in the afternoon, which lately I have been taking with him, since it coincides with Lucas' nap, and then a short catnap in the evening or else he falls asleep on his nighttime bottle.  At night we have occasionally gotten a good 5-6 hour stretch, which means he only gets one bottle in the middle of the night, or when he has a shorter stretch he is up for a little top up at 3am.  His sleeping patterns during the day especially are so different from his brother who at this time already stayed up longer stretches, so he had already dropped his early morning, and late evening cat naps.  However, Marcus tends to falls asleep with much more ease than big brother did which in itself is such a blessing, and tends to help a little when he has nights that he wakes often.  He gets his before bed bottle at 8 and is in bed by 9pm without fail every night, I feel that because we had him fall into his brother's bedtime routine from the moment we got home it has really contributed to him having a set bedtime already. 

Feeding this little guy this month has given me so much anxiety, its so hard to put into words the equal amounts of frustration and concern it causes.  He is so his own little person and I was prepared to have him eat like his big brother did; however Marcus is definitely not as greedy of an eater his brother was, and instead he prefers to eat more often and less ounces at a time.  So instead of being able to get him on a 3 to 4 hour feeding schedule I find myself feeding him every 2 hours like a newborn, and worse sometimes I make him wait at least 3 hours to try and get him to have a better bottle and no dice.  The only saving grace to my sanity is that he is clearly happy when he finishes eating as much as he wants and isn't screaming until I put another bottle in him.  Also he clearly is putting on weight no problem, weighing in at a healthy 13.8 pounds at his check up!  The doctor has stated that most likely he eats so fast the first 2-2 1/2 ounces of his bottle that he feels full before really being full and hence not wanting to eat more.  Hopefully we can turn a corner soon because the poor feeding tends to affect his sleep at night.

Marcus is such a strong little man already, excelling at tummy time, and lifting his cute little head to see the world.  He already bears his weight on his legs if we hold him, and I can't wait to introduce the exersaucer to him next month as we did with Lucas who was also a huge a fan.  He is already reaching for a few hanging toys when they are in front of him but can't quite grasp them fully yet.

I love seeing his personality starting to shine through.  He is a pretty mellow and easy going baby, with smiles for days already.  He coos and blows bubbles already like its no one's business, and I love sitting with him when we get one on one time cause he never stops "talking" the whole time. 

The smile and the way his eyes light up when his brother comes to him in the morning is perhaps the best feeling a mother can have.  Lucas tends to give him the most attention right in the morning when he wakes up, climbing into bed to talk to him, and give a fierce pat on the head or tummy.  No matter how rough Lucas can get with him Marcus just grins and bears it, but I think he is secretly biding his time until he can rough it back at him.

Everyday, even those where I fall into bed in pure exhaustion, are filled with so much love and feeling blessed that we had this little guy join our family. 



Battling the Blues

I wasn't prepared for the rush of emotions that came over me after giving birth to this tiny little human, who like his brother made my heart grow leaps and bounds. 

I wasn't planning on the sadness that would envelope me in the quietness of the night time feedings, while I was alone with my thoughts rocking a sweet little babe to sleep.

I wasn't prepared for the rock of guilt that sat firmly on my shoulders for taking time away from my first born, for not being able to pick him up and console him, for changing his world so abruptly.

I didn't think that I would have a hard time connecting with this new baby who looked so much like me, and who I had so desperately prayed for.

I wanted to be able to do everything, and couldn't.  I wanted to sit and just stare on this new baby.  I wanted to lay on the floor with my big baby and play all day long. 

I cried.  Big fat tears.  All the time. 

I yelled and was unreasonable more often than not.

Then I cried again.

It wasn't something I was planning on.  This didn't happen the first time around, with the exception of those first few emotional days.  This time I couldn't control my emotions, and I mourned the loss of having only one child.  I mourned the things I could no longer do with just one child.  I mourned the things I couldn't do solo with my second child.  I mourned my pregnancy, knowing that we planned for it to be our last.  I mourned inexplicable things, everything, and nothing.

It was a harsh reality, and one that I'm slowly leaving behind.  Embracing the everyday happiness and the little things.  I'm now loving everything that is possible, and not holding on to the things that are impossible.  Some days are better than others.  Some days no darkness falls on my spirit, while some days I feel as if nothing is right, and guilty about one thing or another.

There is no cure.  Just an acceptance that you're human after all, and that this place right here with my children in my arms for as long they need me is where I belong.



Marcus is One Month

One of the reasons I came back to blogging was so that I could stay on top of documenting milestones about both boys, and I really enjoyed writing these for big brother.  Marcus actually turned two months this weekend, so I'm back tracking a little and catching up to some of last month's stats. 
At his wellness appointment he was already weighing a whopping 11 pounds (exactly like his brother at this age), and had grown a full inch in length! 
Marcus is such an easy going baby, falling into his brother's routine pretty seamlessly so far.  We established a bedtime routine the moment we got home, doing baths, baby massage, book and bottle at the same time that we were doing bedtime for Lucas, and because of that Marcus is in bed between 8:30-9 just like his brother.  We've had a few mishaps during thanksgiving where we spent the evenings away from home, but the next night it was business as usual.  Usually he sleeps a long 4-5 hour stretch when he first goes to bed, but then sometimes after that first bottle he is up every 2 hours.  Marcus naps more during the day that his big brother ever did, and he falls asleep pretty easily when he does, sometimes not requiring a bottle to soothe him into a nap at all.  We have not introduced a soother just like with his brother, and I feel like he's taking to self soothing pretty well already.
We switched to bottles and formula, and so far its been a bit of a battle.  We haven't quite figured out a schedule yet for feedings, and I find that at times tends to snack a lot during the day as if he were still being breast fed.  I'm a little selfish with wanting a proper nap and feeding schedule cause it means that both boys will nap at the same time in the afternoon.   We are using Good Start formula with probiotics, and like Lucas we were supplementing him with biogaia drops everyday to help with his bowels, and avoid any colic problems, but we realized that the drops were overkill for him and were in fact upsetting his tummy more than helping so we stopped using them. 

Marcus tends to nap about 4 times throughout the day, usually a cat nap early in the morning, then a longer nap in the late morning, and early afternoon, and caps the day off with an evening nap.  Unlike Lucas who used to have most of his naps in my arms or in the car seat, Marcus is more often than not put down for a nap, so either in the bouncy chair, or in his bassinet, unfortunately the little guy doesn't have the luxury of having my full attention, so when I do get the chance to just hold him for a nap I do, cause I want to have that experience with him too.  I usually nap with him in the afternoon lately, since it is the same time that Lucas is sleeping, and I am well in need of a snooze by then too.  We've actually had a few good 5 hour stretches of sleep at night a dew times, but Marcus tends to eat and fall asleep fairly quickly at night time feedings which is a welcome change from his brother who used to like to party for two hours during feedings when he was first born.
Obviously this first month hasn't seen much interaction from the little man since he's still at his sleep most of the day phase, and he can't stay up longer than an hour sometimes between feedings.  His big brother though is dying to interact with him.  We have found toys laid out on his chair for him, and if he's doing tummy time on his exercise mat, most likely you will find Lucas right by his side having some deep conversation.  Marcus is generally a happy baby, really only crying when he's tired or ready for a bottle.  We have yet to experience an awful witching hour from him, if anything his brother is the one who needs constant entertainment that last hour before bedtime. 
To say that we got lucky the second time around again with a baby who is pretty happy go lucky, eats and sleeps fairly well, is an understatement; but really we got lucky cause we didn't know what were missing until he entered our lives. 




When we found out back in March that we were expecting another boy I was beyond excited for a future of raising boys, and namely brothers!  Both the hubby and I only have sisters and the cousins that I grew up with were also all girls or one of each gender, so the prospect of a future that involved, the very foreign to me, relationship of brothers was one I was very much looking forward to. 

Giving Lucas a sibling was something that we knew very early on was in our family plans, and although we were happy about the age difference that we ended up having between the two I spent the majority of my pregnancy with a lot of anxiety over how the big brother would adjust to the presence of another little human.  Lucas still needs me for so much of his everyday life, and he still has a hard time expressing his feelings and wants to me; so I worried that having to divide my time would bring on a new set of problems that he would not be able to handle.  Well I really should have given him much more credit. 

I'm not sure if its because Lucas is a well adjusted kid; or the fact that he plays well independently; or that the hubby and I have instilled in him a good grasp of normalcy; either way we have done something right.  Lucas has embraced his brother's presence with no effort at all, and not once have we experienced any signs of jealousy.  The moment he entered the hospital room and saw this little human hanging from my chest it was if he instantly fell in love with him  as we did.  He understandably clung to me a little tighter that day considering we had just spent over 24 hours apart for the very first time ever, but then he took one look at his brother and decided he was ok.  We placed Marcus in Lucas' arms and he instantly tried high fiving him, and he started throwing a tantrum when I tried to take the baby back for a feeding!  It was everything and more than I could have expected, and everyday my heart grows a little more seeing their love for each other. 

For the most part Lucas seems pretty understanding of the fact that Marcus requires a little more of my time, and while he doesn't tend to act up when I'm stuck feeding his brother during the day, or putting him to sleep I can tell that when he does get my full attention he doesn't want to share.  For this reason even when daddy gets home at the end of the day Lucas is often still attached to my hip, and I'm ok with that, after all its been an adjustment for me too in sharing myself when I gave him most of me for so long.  He's my buddy after all, and sometimes I just want to sit on the floor and play too, so when I can that's exactly what I do with no feelings of guilt or worry that there is a sink full of dishes to tend to. 

Two months later, though, there have been a few mishaps of petting his brother a little too hard, or attempting to rough house like his daddy does with him, and there may or may not have been a toy bus that found its way on top of Marcus head.  Underlying all these incidents is just a innate want to play with his brother, and I'm sure deep down he can't wait for Marcus to be involved in his daily antics.  Also for every time that Lucas has been a little rough with his brother he is quick to cuddle and kiss him, ALL THE TIME; or he needs to be in his brother's business, ALL THE TIME, and I occasionally find a toy laying by Marcus while he is sleeping, lovingly left there by big brother as an invitation for the future.



Marcus' Birth Story

Its been almost two months since we welcomed Marcus into our family, and its not been without its ups and downs; but the one constant is how he's made our family feel so complete since his arrival.  I feel like his pregnancy flew right by me in the blink of an eye.  I'm sure having an active toddler and filling the summer with a slew of fun activities with him so as to soak in the last days of being an only child, really contributed to the speed in which September came upon us.  Marcus' birth went off with not a lot of incident, but I just wanted to jot down some highlights for posterity.

We had a scheduled C-section this time around, and knowing what day we had to be at the hospital, and avoiding the hassle that Lucas' induction turned out to be really helped ebb some of the anxiety that I had leading up to little brother's arrival.  This way we made arrangements for Lucas for the day, and planned how I would be managing our stay at the hospital post partum.  Being able to plan for me was a huge bonus, since I'm definitely a planner at heart, and like everything in neat little lists.  I had some pretty bad insomnia the last two months of my pregnancy brought on by a the obvious constant need to pee coupled with just a huge amount of anxiety that would keep me up most of the night, so to say that sleep didn't really come the night before surgery was a forgone conclusion.  We dropped Lucas off at his grandparents on the way to this hospital, and as we drove off I had a huge rush of emotion take over me and balled the whole half an hour drive.  This would be the first time I was leaving Lucas overnight, and for any real extended period of time, and the weight of that hit me like a ton of bricks.  The fact that his world was about to be rocked to the core didn't really help my overload of emotions.  I'm sad to say that it didn't ease up any after Marcus' birth, but that is an entirely other story. 

We were bumped an hour after getting to the hospital due to another emergency surgery, and the waiting was absolutely killing me.  I was so ready to have my baby.  We were finally admitted to a communal room with three other moms awaiting surgery, given the required pre-meds, and waited a little longer.  Finally at 12pm they took me to the operating room to administer the spinal tap, I wasn't really worried about it, I was fine the last time; however this time the doctor had a rough time getting the right spot and it took what felt like forever to get me numb.  I had a different OB this time around, and I loved her.  My main OB is a little rough around the edges, and he has the worse bedside manners for a doctor who deals with hormonal pregnant women, so I was pleasantly surprised to have a woman this time who was just so caring and overall put me at ease throughout the whole process.  She was actually the one who held me while the spinal tap was being administered and talked me through it the whole time, and really helped ease my anxiety.  Unfortunately just before the hubby was let into the room I had an adverse reaction to the spinal tap and ended up being sick all over the table.  I felt better afterwards but it was definitely something I could have done without.  Shortly after Gianni came in the team got things moving pretty quickly.

Unlike with Lucas my water was not broken prior to surgery, so Marcus was happily unaware of what was coming, and as a result he was awake and alert the whole time.  I could actually feel him moving inside of me as the doctors opened me and started the surgery, and they were even quick to comment how active he was, which isn't really surprising considering how much I felt him throughout the pregnancy.  The first words out of the doctor's mouth when she got her first glimpse of him was of the size of his ample cheeks, and I knew without seeing him he was going to be a chunker just like his brother. 

Marcus came into the world at 12:30pm, wailing from being ripped out of his cozy little temporary home, and quickly proceeded to pee all over the floor, making his displeasure quite apparent.  Sure enough he weighed in at a healthy 9 pounds 8 ounces, slightly bigger than his big brother, and with the biggest cheeks I just wanted to kiss forever.  They swaddled him and he was quickly placed in the waiting arms of his daddy who was just as smitten.  It felt much quicker this time around the wait to be stitched up and then getting to hold my newest baby, which I'm so grateful for, since the downside of having a C-section is not being able to have that instant touching and connection.  Once in recovery, we breastfed, and waited until my oxygen levels were back to normal before being transferred to our room for the duration of my stay.

We spent the rest afternoon basking in the glow of our new bundle, breastfeeding on demand, and checking his sugars regularly since I have a history of gestational diabetes.  I cannot really put into words how you just fall in love instantly with your baby, and I'm still in amazement when I look at both my children for the miracle that is a woman's body who makes and grows these tiny humans.

Although I was grateful that my mom came to spend the first night with me in the hospital so that Gianni could get Lucas and have him sleep at home, and therefore not disrupting his routine too much, I was really emotional and sad to see my husband leave that night.  He's my best friend, and truly my rock and not having him by my side was a lot harder than I expected it to be, especially the second night when I was all alone.  I'm really grateful for the nursing staff at the hospital, they were extra helpful knowing that I was alone, and I got some great women who made the stay all that more bearable.  On the flip side I truly enjoyed the one on one time I had with my newborn, knowing that the moment I got home I would soon start the precarious dance of learning to divide my time between my two sons. 

Marcus passed all his tests the next day, and I benefitted from a class with a lactation consultant, even though my milk did indeed never come in as it didn't with Lucas.  It was just as disheartening as the first time, but I'm learning to deal with that disappointment.  I am glad for the breastfeeding time we had in the hospital though, and feel that it helped him as much as it could, especially since his sugar levels came up a lot quicker than they did with Lucas. 

We left the hospital early afternoon after two days in the hospital, still really sore on my part, but I was just dying to get home to my own surroundings and to my other two boys, so I dealt with the hard recovery that was coming my way.  I want to detail the meeting of the brothers, and my own recovery in a separate post.  So I leave with that, a pretty standard delivery if I say so myself. 



I'm back

I took a little break from blogging, but recently I have found that I've been missing this little corner of the blogshpere that I called my own.  I have continued to journal on my own time cause sometimes you just need to write down your thoughts, or put into words things that cannot be said out loud.  I'm going to ease back gently and gradually since life has and will continue to be hectic around these parts, I had a baby recently after all!

That's right everyone Marcus Guliano made his debut on September 8th, in a planned C-section.  Everything went pretty smoothly, although my own recovery and adjustment has left much to be desired.  He's everything I didn't know was missing in our lives, and he has completed our family in more ways than one.  He's a pretty relaxed baby, and his big brother is completely smitten with him, as are we all.

Life with two is as to be expected.  Chaotic on its best days.  Having a toddler at home, one who is in the throes of the terrible twos makes for interesting days, especially if he tag teams it with his brother for fussiness.  I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that its all heaven, some days I want to lock myself in the bathroom just to get two minutes to myself, other days I'm counting down the minutes until daddy gets home and high tail it upstairs just for five minutes of peace.  But I'm also going to tell you that there are days when the big brother cuddles the baby just because, and I see into their future.  There are days when we survive a grocery run and everyone was in a good mood, and that for me is a total win.

Its not always bliss around here, but lately I'm feeling more blessed than words can say.

For now here's a sneak peak of our newest addition, and I'm hoping to bring back some more updates soon.


About Me

Hi I'm Sylvie. 

I'm married to my best friend, I know most women say that but for me it really is 100% true.  He's the one I go to for advice, he's seen me at my worse and best, he's the yin to my yang, complete opposites in so many things, and yet we see eye to eye on the most essential things in our lives.  We met in the most random way on facebook, and we knew after our first date that we had inexplicably found The One.  Fast forward, three years later and we married on an unseasonably warm April day in 2010, and started a life that continues to exceed any expectations we had. 

After changing our original plans, we decided to start a family soon after the honeymoon, only to have our world turned upside down when we were faced with fertility issues.  Countless months trying, finally seeking professional help, and being told that there were so many obstacles in our way we conceived at a fertility clinic in the winter of 2012 and welcomed our miracle baby, our son Lucas in September of that year.  Growing up in a household of sisters, and having predominantly girl cousins I was faced with a future of raising a boy, a tiny little man that stole my heart the moment I laid eyes on him, and who has taught me more about myself that I ever could have imagined. 

Knowing the trials we faced the first time around, shortly after Lucas' first birthday we paid a visit to our doctor and started what we assumed would be the long process of attempting to conceive another child; only to be pleasantly surprised with a pregnancy 3 months later, almost exactly at the same time of year as last time.  We welcomed Marcus this past September, almost exactly two years after his brother. 

To welcome another son into my life has brought me more joy and excitement for the future than I ever imagined.  I always knew I wanted to be a mother, and having sisters I always dreamed of a life of little girls playing dress up, but this life that I have been blessed with is even better, its one unexpected and for that so much more exhilarating.  I am queen of my castle, and really who could complain about that. 

I'm living my dream of being a stay at home mom.  Some days are boring.  Some days are filled with a routine I set for my boys.  Some days we spend doing crafts, playing at the park, visits to the library or play groups.  Other days we stay in our pajamas all day long.  It may not be fascinating to anyone else, and it may just be ordinary, but for me that's what makes it special, its the everyday joys.