Friday Favourites

Its just been one of those up and down weeks around here.  Some super high moments and others where I've questioned my sanity by the end of the day. 

 

 

ONE

 

These found their way home with me at the beginning of the week and I'm so not sorry.  Its all the goodness of a smore without the mess (although I love a messy smore on a warm summer night).

 



 

TWO

 

A little guy around here really wants to walk and stand on his own but he still doesn't have the proper coordination for either of those things without assistance, but it doesn't deter him from trying.  Also he has this habit of climbing into the shower while I'm getting ready in the morning, and this face of "you caught me red handed mom what are you going to do about it" pretty much makes my day every time.

 



 

THREE

 

We had a few cooler weather days around here this week but I didn't let that us stop us from enjoying the day outside as much as we could.  I'm that mom that actually loves taking the kids to the park and running around with them.  Watching Lucas yell out ready, set, go EVERY single time he runs down the slide always brings a smile to my face.  Marcus is still a little unsure about how he feels about the swing and his suspicious face is just too priceless.  I think he's just bummed cause he watches his brother running around and wants to be doing just that.  I wouldn't be adverse to letting him crawl around the park but unfortunately our local one is mulched. 

 



 

 

 

 

 

FOUR

 

Date nights are very far and in between around here, not that we don't have willing baby sitters in my in laws.  I have a hard time leaving the boys for the evening, and I feel guilty putting bedtime routines on the shoulders of others.  I do know that we need to make time for ourselves though and I love that the hubby and I find other ways to have alternative "date nights".  Wednesday was just an epic day around here so we picnicked that night after the boys went to bed, and it was just what I needed to recharge by batteries. 

 

Sometimes just sitting and having a meal without feeding little mouths and avoiding epic spills is nice.  Having a conversation about our days and actually "spending" time with one another after the boys go to bed is really important to us to stay connected.

 



FIVE

Marcus is teething.  He's also staying awake during the day for longer periods so I've had to adjust his nap times.  Unfortunately it means that both boys go down for their afternoon naps at exactly the same time.  Its not been going very well, and Marcus takes a little longer to settle, and he's spent more time wanting to nap beside me.  I could mourn the loss of me time this week, or the fact that the laundry is piled way higher than usual but instead I will realize that these years are fleeting and enjoy the extra snuggles.

SIX

Yesterday it was 8am and I already wanted to bust out the baileys and spike my coffee!  Why are toddlers so unreasonable sometimes.  I went to change Lucas for the day and I unfortunately chose the wrong shirt, and an epic tantrum ensued.  Naturally I had to document it because that face and the indignation over a shirt will make it to his graduation slide show one day.

SEVEN

This kid and mirrors!  He always watches himself in this mirror in the front hall, but today he decided he was looking too cute and just had to kiss his face.  I can't say I blame him.

 

EIGHT

 

Even though the day started rough I had to run errands so I thought it may be brave and stupid but lets head to costco and tackle the day.  Well both boys happily sat beside each other sharing a bowl of fishies, and were just angels the whole time we were out.  I'm counting my blessings and tucking the memory in my pocket for the next time this isn't quite the case.

 

 

I'm really looking forward to the weekend as we are celebrating my in laws 40th wedding anniversary!

 



5 on Friday with A. Liz Adventrues, Carolina Charm, Hello! Happiness, and The Good Life.

 

Friday Favorites with A Little Bit of Everything, Momfessionals, and Grace and Love.

 

Oh Hey Friday with September Farm and The Farmer's Wife!

 

 

Battling the Blues

I wasn't prepared for the rush of emotions that came over me after giving birth to this tiny little human, who like his brother made my heart grow leaps and bounds. 

I wasn't planning on the sadness that would envelope me in the quietness of the night time feedings, while I was alone with my thoughts rocking a sweet little babe to sleep.

I wasn't prepared for the rock of guilt that sat firmly on my shoulders for taking time away from my first born, for not being able to pick him up and console him, for changing his world so abruptly.

I didn't think that I would have a hard time connecting with this new baby who looked so much like me, and who I had so desperately prayed for.

I wanted to be able to do everything, and couldn't.  I wanted to sit and just stare on this new baby.  I wanted to lay on the floor with my big baby and play all day long. 

I cried.  Big fat tears.  All the time. 

I yelled and was unreasonable more often than not.

Then I cried again.

It wasn't something I was planning on.  This didn't happen the first time around, with the exception of those first few emotional days.  This time I couldn't control my emotions, and I mourned the loss of having only one child.  I mourned the things I could no longer do with just one child.  I mourned the things I couldn't do solo with my second child.  I mourned my pregnancy, knowing that we planned for it to be our last.  I mourned inexplicable things, everything, and nothing.

It was a harsh reality, and one that I'm slowly leaving behind.  Embracing the everyday happiness and the little things.  I'm now loving everything that is possible, and not holding on to the things that are impossible.  Some days are better than others.  Some days no darkness falls on my spirit, while some days I feel as if nothing is right, and guilty about one thing or another.

There is no cure.  Just an acceptance that you're human after all, and that this place right here with my children in my arms for as long they need me is where I belong.

Marcus' Birth Story

Its been almost two months since we welcomed Marcus into our family, and its not been without its ups and downs; but the one constant is how he's made our family feel so complete since his arrival.  I feel like his pregnancy flew right by me in the blink of an eye.  I'm sure having an active toddler and filling the summer with a slew of fun activities with him so as to soak in the last days of being an only child, really contributed to the speed in which September came upon us.  Marcus' birth went off with not a lot of incident, but I just wanted to jot down some highlights for posterity.

We had a scheduled C-section this time around, and knowing what day we had to be at the hospital, and avoiding the hassle that Lucas' induction turned out to be really helped ebb some of the anxiety that I had leading up to little brother's arrival.  This way we made arrangements for Lucas for the day, and planned how I would be managing our stay at the hospital post partum.  Being able to plan for me was a huge bonus, since I'm definitely a planner at heart, and like everything in neat little lists.  I had some pretty bad insomnia the last two months of my pregnancy brought on by a the obvious constant need to pee coupled with just a huge amount of anxiety that would keep me up most of the night, so to say that sleep didn't really come the night before surgery was a forgone conclusion.  We dropped Lucas off at his grandparents on the way to this hospital, and as we drove off I had a huge rush of emotion take over me and balled the whole half an hour drive.  This would be the first time I was leaving Lucas overnight, and for any real extended period of time, and the weight of that hit me like a ton of bricks.  The fact that his world was about to be rocked to the core didn't really help my overload of emotions.  I'm sad to say that it didn't ease up any after Marcus' birth, but that is an entirely other story. 

We were bumped an hour after getting to the hospital due to another emergency surgery, and the waiting was absolutely killing me.  I was so ready to have my baby.  We were finally admitted to a communal room with three other moms awaiting surgery, given the required pre-meds, and waited a little longer.  Finally at 12pm they took me to the operating room to administer the spinal tap, I wasn't really worried about it, I was fine the last time; however this time the doctor had a rough time getting the right spot and it took what felt like forever to get me numb.  I had a different OB this time around, and I loved her.  My main OB is a little rough around the edges, and he has the worse bedside manners for a doctor who deals with hormonal pregnant women, so I was pleasantly surprised to have a woman this time who was just so caring and overall put me at ease throughout the whole process.  She was actually the one who held me while the spinal tap was being administered and talked me through it the whole time, and really helped ease my anxiety.  Unfortunately just before the hubby was let into the room I had an adverse reaction to the spinal tap and ended up being sick all over the table.  I felt better afterwards but it was definitely something I could have done without.  Shortly after Gianni came in the team got things moving pretty quickly.

Unlike with Lucas my water was not broken prior to surgery, so Marcus was happily unaware of what was coming, and as a result he was awake and alert the whole time.  I could actually feel him moving inside of me as the doctors opened me and started the surgery, and they were even quick to comment how active he was, which isn't really surprising considering how much I felt him throughout the pregnancy.  The first words out of the doctor's mouth when she got her first glimpse of him was of the size of his ample cheeks, and I knew without seeing him he was going to be a chunker just like his brother. 

Marcus came into the world at 12:30pm, wailing from being ripped out of his cozy little temporary home, and quickly proceeded to pee all over the floor, making his displeasure quite apparent.  Sure enough he weighed in at a healthy 9 pounds 8 ounces, slightly bigger than his big brother, and with the biggest cheeks I just wanted to kiss forever.  They swaddled him and he was quickly placed in the waiting arms of his daddy who was just as smitten.  It felt much quicker this time around the wait to be stitched up and then getting to hold my newest baby, which I'm so grateful for, since the downside of having a C-section is not being able to have that instant touching and connection.  Once in recovery, we breastfed, and waited until my oxygen levels were back to normal before being transferred to our room for the duration of my stay.

We spent the rest afternoon basking in the glow of our new bundle, breastfeeding on demand, and checking his sugars regularly since I have a history of gestational diabetes.  I cannot really put into words how you just fall in love instantly with your baby, and I'm still in amazement when I look at both my children for the miracle that is a woman's body who makes and grows these tiny humans.

Although I was grateful that my mom came to spend the first night with me in the hospital so that Gianni could get Lucas and have him sleep at home, and therefore not disrupting his routine too much, I was really emotional and sad to see my husband leave that night.  He's my best friend, and truly my rock and not having him by my side was a lot harder than I expected it to be, especially the second night when I was all alone.  I'm really grateful for the nursing staff at the hospital, they were extra helpful knowing that I was alone, and I got some great women who made the stay all that more bearable.  On the flip side I truly enjoyed the one on one time I had with my newborn, knowing that the moment I got home I would soon start the precarious dance of learning to divide my time between my two sons. 

Marcus passed all his tests the next day, and I benefitted from a class with a lactation consultant, even though my milk did indeed never come in as it didn't with Lucas.  It was just as disheartening as the first time, but I'm learning to deal with that disappointment.  I am glad for the breastfeeding time we had in the hospital though, and feel that it helped him as much as it could, especially since his sugar levels came up a lot quicker than they did with Lucas. 

We left the hospital early afternoon after two days in the hospital, still really sore on my part, but I was just dying to get home to my own surroundings and to my other two boys, so I dealt with the hard recovery that was coming my way.  I want to detail the meeting of the brothers, and my own recovery in a separate post.  So I leave with that, a pretty standard delivery if I say so myself. 

I'm back

I took a little break from blogging, but recently I have found that I've been missing this little corner of the blogshpere that I called my own.  I have continued to journal on my own time cause sometimes you just need to write down your thoughts, or put into words things that cannot be said out loud.  I'm going to ease back gently and gradually since life has and will continue to be hectic around these parts, I had a baby recently after all!

That's right everyone Marcus Guliano made his debut on September 8th, in a planned C-section.  Everything went pretty smoothly, although my own recovery and adjustment has left much to be desired.  He's everything I didn't know was missing in our lives, and he has completed our family in more ways than one.  He's a pretty relaxed baby, and his big brother is completely smitten with him, as are we all.

Life with two is as to be expected.  Chaotic on its best days.  Having a toddler at home, one who is in the throes of the terrible twos makes for interesting days, especially if he tag teams it with his brother for fussiness.  I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that its all heaven, some days I want to lock myself in the bathroom just to get two minutes to myself, other days I'm counting down the minutes until daddy gets home and high tail it upstairs just for five minutes of peace.  But I'm also going to tell you that there are days when the big brother cuddles the baby just because, and I see into their future.  There are days when we survive a grocery run and everyone was in a good mood, and that for me is a total win.

Its not always bliss around here, but lately I'm feeling more blessed than words can say.

For now here's a sneak peak of our newest addition, and I'm hoping to bring back some more updates soon.

Raising a Man

I have mentioned this before, but prior to having Lucas little boys were a foreign entity to me, having grown up solely with sisters, and having mostly girl cousins to boot.  I was equal amounts excited and scared for what the future held for me when I found out I was expecting a baby boy.  I didn't really know what to expect, but figured that a lifetime of cars, trucks, and anything that revolved around a ball and sports would be running my life forever.  I wasn't really far off on that prediction.

But you want to know something.  I have loved every single minute of being a boy mom, and I can't wait to double that when this little guy arrives in 6 short weeks!

Boys seem to always have an endless amount of energy, pretty much only stop when they are sleeping, I never have a moment of peace until bedtime, and I know far more about trucks and cars than I ever thought was imaginable.  Scrapes and bruises are a common occurrence around these parts, and death defying climbing has already started giving me heart attacks on a regular basis.  Boys are also to a large extent so much more low maintenance than girls; he falls down yells out I'm ok and is on to the next adventure; starts having a tantrum most often than not a snack changes his mood (which reminds me boys are ALWAYS hungry); and daddy may be his hero and teach him all about hot wheels but its to mommy's arms that he always runs to in pretty much any situation.

I am raising boys, who will be teens, and one day men in their own right, and I don't have to look very far for a model in which to raise them.

I lucked out in the husband/father of my children department.  He is a kind man, puts his family's needs always first, is compassionate when necessary, fiercely loyal and protective of the ones he loves.  He can use a washing machine, show the kitchen whose boss, and never complains about vacuuming for me.  He's a provider, but never once makes me feel like my work at home is less than his own, and if anything helps me more than most men who are working all day.  He is an amazing role model for our sons on how to be a modern man.

I want nothing more in life than to raise our sons in that emulation.  I am completely aware and conscious that one day they will also be husbands and fathers, and I want them to be just as hands on as their father, and I have this innate responsibility to ensure that they are strong and purposeful men in their futures.  I never shy away from the stereotypical gender roles that my parent's generation grew up with, knowing that girls were raised to take care of the home, and boys to provide for their families; however I am a firm believer that those traditional roles have no place in the world that I am raising my sons.

I want them to learn to cook, clean after themselves, and be aware that they should be fulfilling those roles at home just as much as their future wives.  I want them to grow up respecting a woman, and provide a safe and happy home just as their father is doing everyday.  I want them to learn to fend for themselves and to never live in a world that teaches men that women should be putting the food on the table and keeping the house clean and organized.

I love that Lucas loves to be in the kitchen with father and I, that he is keen on helping me switch the laundry (which has been a blessing in disguise during this pregnancy lol), or that he knows exactly what a vacuum is supposed to do.  This also makes for learning experiences with him, and lord knows I can actually get some stuff done around the house if Lucas thinks its a game, which is what I do; make it fun for him.

 I'm not encouraging any child labour around these parts, just encouraging a little boy to a man one day.  I'm sure his future wife will thank me one day.

A Boring Life

I wish there was a better reason for being absent from the blog this long, but we have just been living, tackling my ever growing list of pre-baby things to do, and enjoying the weather when it graces us with sunshine.  I got pretty sick at the end of May, and it made for a week of pure survival mode.  Luckily Lucas just got the sniffles but the illness hit me like a ton of bricks, and for you fellow mommies, we all know too well there is no break for us when we are sick, they really should invent something to help us moms avoid illness!  Thankfully the hubby was as helpful as he could be the moment he would get home, and during the day I have to say that it felt that Lucas sensed I was definitely not myself, and he was overall a champ at entertaining himself for extended periods of time, or was happy with an educational video while I watched from the couch stretched out in miserable head cold gloominess.  With all that said blogging was far from my mind that week and I found it difficult in the weeks after to write, especially since sometimes life seems a little boring around these parts.

During this time away I've been reflecting a lot on how life will be changing all too soon with baby number two's arrival, and my overall decision to stay home and raise my children.  I had visions of play dates every week, taking the kids to educational excursions, basking in the joy of watching every milestone with my own eyes, and activities galore that I could partake in with him.  The truth is being a stay at home mom is work, more work than I ever tackled in my professional career before babies.  It sure isn't glamorous, unless living in yoga pants is is your idea of glamour, if so then I'm living the life.  There are days that we don't leave the house because someone decided to wake up on the wrong side of the bed and I cannot fathom dealing with a tantrum mid shopping trip or in the middle of a play date (lets be real sometimes that person who woke up cranky is me).  Some weeks go by and the most interesting thing we did was go to the park every day to play with the neighourhood children. My life is ruled by a routine that I have created myself, a routine that I consciously try to pepper with trips to Chapters to play with other children, play dates, and yes I try at least once a week to fit in that all allusive education excursion.

Some would say its a boring life, but you want to know the real truth.  I wouldn't trade my boring, ordinary existence right now for anything in the world.  I don't miss the office gossip over morning coffee, I don't miss the deadlines, other people's expectations, or dressing up for meetings at all.  Sometimes I crave more adult conversation, one that doesn't revolve around us moms discussing the latest sleep problems, or what food our children this week has decided is no longer part of his diet.  But nothing beats the little conversations I have with my every growing son, and learning to decipher his "language".  I do sometimes miss having a little more me time in the week, I'm not going to lie, one that doesn't involve running to the grocery store to get 15 minutes to myself, or taking an extra long bathroom break when the hubby gets home (admit it you have ALL done this!).  But then in the middle of the day when I'm exhausted from running after a toddler, and I just want five minutes of peace, he grabs my hand and a book and sits in my lap, and its pure bliss.

There are days when Lucas decides to tackle and finish a difficult puzzle, or he cuddles up to me on the floor for no apparent reason, or he cries out mommy the moment he wakes up from his nap; and I realize that I wouldn't want to miss any of that for anything in this world.  Would it be nice to have a little more money in the bank for bigger vacations, sure but we aren't struggling with our everyday expenses and that's all that matters.  There really is no money that could buy this time with my children while they are young and are completely dependent on me for their every need.  I will take every single ordinary day with my children any day.  You may call it boring, I call it experiencing my children's every firsts with my own eyes.  I'm off to have a boring day with the little guy, but let's be real with smiles like this its far from ordinary.

Five on Friday

It's been a pretty busy week around here. We have been taking advantage of the nice weather and spending lots of time outside, and running errands. Lucas and I have slowly moved into our warmer weather routine that always includes daily walks and at least three visits to the park a week, sometimes more when we make it out in the evening with Daddy. Here are some highlights of my week!

ONE

Lucas spent a few weeks in April waking up super cranky from his naps, it was instant crying and fussing and wouldn't stop until either Daddy got home or well until dinner time. Not even a snack would make him happy and those weeks were plagued with some awful weather so we couldn't even go outside to ride out the bad mood. I'm happy to say that we are over that little road bump. Kid has been super jovial and playful the moment I grab him from his crib. We have been enjoying some time in his room reading some stories or just being silly and it makes for a more relaxed progression into our family time evenings.   I mean this face says it all, someone woke up on the right side of the crib!!

TWO

Growing up summer always meant lots of time outside, playing with water, and summer treats!! My all time favourite guilty pleasure was orange creamsicles. This week while at the store I spied a box and my big pregnant self could not resist and they made their way home with me. Just as I was about to indulge in some after dinner sweetness I decided to offer some to Lucas to see if he would like it  (kid is not the hugest sweet lover so I wasn't sure how he would react). Well he took one lick and the rest is history, and gone was my sweet.  I have to say though its amazing how much a pleasure it was to watch him enjoy something that is such a staple of my own childhood, and rather than grab another one for myself I just sat there and watched him devour it!

THREE

Sometimes Lucas is just so easy to please!  We headed to the mall this week to grab some water essentials for a mini family getaway and they have those contraptions that all parents dread and which brings instant glee to all kids.  The small mall rides that usually entices tantrums galore when the word no passes any parents mouth.  Usually Lucas doesn't show much interest but this week he was so keen when he say a car one, but I sadly did not have any change, or bills to even make change (it was seriously not a ploy, I would have actually gladly let him ride on until his heart burst with glee), I calmly told him I didn't have change but let him sit on the ride anyway since there were no other waiting children.  Well to my own happiness he was happy just pretending to drive the car for a good ten minutes.  Mom win!!

FOUR

Speaking of family getaway, we really have no means for an extravagant family vacation this year, with the new babe on the way, the hubby having a hard time getting time off since he's being transferred as foreman to a new job site next month (and needing all his precious time off for the new arrival anyway), added to all that we try to live on a very strict budget as a single income family so that we can always try to put as much in savings as we can.  So we decided that we will be spending the summer taking Lucas on several day trips to local attractions, with the exception of the beginning of June  We are off to Niagara Falls for three days where we are staying right on the falls and visiting the FallsView Water Park.  I cannot wait to see Lucas' face when we go to the water park, he's literally a bubble guppie during the summer, and visiting the splash pads are usually enough to bring him immense joy, this is going to totally blow his mind.

FIVE

I have been suffering from some bad back muscle aches, and to add to that I pulled a muscle in my left arm getting Lucas into a shopping cart yesterday.  So to say that I am looking forward to an hour long prenatal massage my husband is sending me off to tomorrow is really putting it lightly.  I mean I seriously cannot contain my glee!

I hope everyone has a great weekend, I will spending it with the handsome boys in my life, and speaking of handsome I leave you with this pic of the little guy.

Five on Friday

This week has literally flown by in a flash.  Lucas and I have been busy and I'm sure that has helped pass the time.  Even though the weather was pretty crappy in these parts with rain pretty much every day we made the best of the situation and went out when we could and did crafts and puzzles to pass the time.  On to some highlights.

ONE

Boys and their trucks!  Lucas is a very typical boy in that he is obsessed with anything that has wheels.  I still can't believe that with another boy on the way my life and house will forever surround around cars and trucks.  This past weekend my in laws got this little four wheeler for Lucas for the summer, and to say he was excited to see it is putting it lightly.  He doesn't even wheel himself that much in it, he just likes to get in and out of it.  Love this pic of him with his new wheels.

TWO

Lucas' new favourite hang out is on my belly lately.  He is just so sweet as he lays between my legs and rests his head against his brother.  Its really endearing actually when he's excited about something and talking up a storm his little brother is already responding to his voice, cause its at moments like those that I feel the baby move the most.  Cannot wait for him to get here so the brotherly bonding can begin in earnest.

THREE

I have been really enjoying my morning coffee this week.  The brew of choice is Paradiso for Tassimo, I refuse to drink decaf so I limit myself to one regular coffee a day, sometimes a tea in the evening.  I love that Lucas is usually great at entertaining himself after his morning bottle, and I enjoy sitting on the couch or the floor with him, and sipping on some much missed caffeine. To add to the pleasure of enjoying coffee, and the morning shenanigans is this adorable insulated mug I gifted myself for Mother's Day!

FOUR

I had the luxury this week of waking up at 7am on Wednesday, when Lucas decided to "sleep in" for a change, so I took advantage of his good mood and the rainy weather and we headed to the mall for the morning.  We always stop by bass pro shops to check out the fishes, and he was just so happy to see them that day, it helped that it wasn't busy there for a change.  We enjoyed doing some summer shopping, and then made a stop at Ikea for some lunch and play time.  After Tuesday had been a write off of a day with Lucas being a super crank pants, it was nice to have a good day right after and restore my faith in my mothering skills. :)

FIVE

We capped off the great week with a family date night last night.  After a three hour nap we went out to dinner, and then some chapters fun where Lucas is pretty much obsessed with the train table there.  On the way home Lucas enjoyed his first cake pop and devoured it!  I don't think I have ever seen Lucas so quiet in the car before!

Hope everyone enjoys the weekend, for my fellow Canadians a much deserved long weekend.  I'm pretty excited to take Lucas to his first fireworks this weekend!

I am enough

Last Friday my sister and I saw the new movie Mom's Night Out, and while I laughed hysterically through most of the movie with so many of the mom shenanigans resonating with my daily life, it was the most poignant scenes that stayed with me long after I left the theater.  The protagonist is also a stay at home mom who is living out her dream job of raising her family, but somehow feels not only overwhelmed at times, but more importantly feels like she just isn't enough.   Not enough for her husband.  Not enough for her kids.  Not enough as a woman.  Not enough for HERSELF.

This is something I think most moms struggle with.  Finding that balance between the many roles in our lives, and in the meantime feeling that no matter what we are falling somehow short of the expectations.  When someone points out to the mom in the movie that she is not enough in her eyes only, and that God knew what he was doing when he made her the mom to her children, I was just moved to tears.  I was emotional for the clarity of the moment, for hearing the words that every mom needs to hear, for realizing that every insecure moment I have had in my journey through motherhood so far is of my own making and for letting myself be sucked into negative thoughts.  I question myself all the time, and although at times that is just part of the process of mothering, sometimes its destructive to my own self esteem.

I need to live up to this unspoken reality of what being a mother is, to fulfilling an itemized list that the universe has put out there for all mothers.  FALSE.

I need to realize that my child is happy, every smile and laugh that shines on his face is a product of the family home and environment I have fostered for him in the image that I have created.  TRUTH.

I need to be the perfect mother, wife, and woman; everyday no matter how hard that may be.  FALSE.

I need to be the mother my child needs, the wife my husband fell is love with and the one he falls in love with everyday (hopefully), and the woman that ends the day feeling like she conquered it all in her own mind.  TRUTH.

What we do as mothers every day is hard.  Its easy.  Its exhausting.  Its overwhelming.  Its IMPORTANT.  Its the most essential and important job in the world, and we are doing it for free.  We are molding the future generation, we are teaching children the concept of right and wrong, and to respect themselves.  We are showing them how to treat other people with kindness, and care.  We are taking care of defenseless beings, that rely on us for every basic need.  Our jobs never end, even as they sleep the night away in blissful dream land, we turn to the chores that didn't get done, we worry about them, they permeate my dreams.  Its a thankless job that I wouldn't exchange for any money in the world, and I will gladly continue to being paid in hugs and kisses, and the occasional flattery from my better half, who I know appreciates my everyday efforts.

I realize that if I have a better perception of myself than just maybe my sons will have a better appreciation of their own mother in consequence.

I need to continue living in the image of the type of mother that I want to be, and who I believe I already am.  There will always be another dish to clean, a house to organize, dinners to make; and through it all I am raising my family with love, laughter, and happiness.  As I kiss them all goodnight, and know that love has not faded, we laughed today, and we are all happy then I know that I did what I set out the day to do; and really that makes me enough.

Five on Friday

Its been a long week for me and the little man.  We dealt with tantrums, poor sleep, and overall just sheer exhaustion.  I'm so glad the weekend is here for some upcoming pampering coming my way.

ONE

I have spoken before of my worries and constant anxiety over Lucas' language skills and overall development.  Earlier this week I had a huge mommy meltdown over it, I was overtaken with worry, and felt like I wasn't doing enough for Lucas, or that he was presenting serious delays in this department and knowing that boys develop later in this department was just not putting my fears to rest..  I turned to my mother in law who is the only one I know and trust who has raised a boy herself.  I'm so grateful for all her kind words about my mothering, and for putting what was really a hormonal outburst to rest.  I realized that I just need to enjoy watching Lucas grow, and realize that he understands so much more than he is able to communicate to me.  I was rewarded the next day though when we were getting ready for an outing to the park and as I grabbed Lucas' coat he turned to me and said "oh that's mine".  I really should learn to not have outbursts while pregnant and my hormones are at an ultimate high.

TWO

In my over zealousness at wanting to do as much as I can for Lucas' development I bought on Amazon at the encouragement of a fellow mommy blogger the Preschool Company Prep DVDs.  They teach letters, numbers, colours, shapes and words in a way that appeals to the developing mind. We started with the letters DVD.  Each letter is repeated often, and they become figures of words that start with that particular letter (example, the letter D becomes a dancer).  I had previewed the DVDs on youtube to see how interested he was in them before I made the investment, and he was mesmerized.  He even tried to repeat some of the words when we previewed the sight words' DVD.  We have been pretty busy this week and we have probably only viewed it twice, but so far we are huge fans.

THREE

I'm not one to complain about Lucas having a bad night of sleep since for the most part we have been really lucky in this department.  Since we slept trained Lucas at 5 months old, he has always slept through the night, even when he's been teething or sick.  One night this week he got tangled in his sheets in the middle of the night and it disrupted his sleep big time.  He was up from 2:30 until 5! He finally fell asleep in bed with me in a position that didn't really allow me to fall asleep with him.  Then the little bugger has the nerve to wake up and hour and half later and look at me as if nothing had happened.  He was all chatty and well pleased with himself.  Unfortunately nap time has been a bit of an issue lately too.  He fussed the other day for an hour in his crib so I was convinced that it meant no nap was going to happen, only for him to fall asleep in my arms five minutes later.  He knows just how to get his way!  Although I have been pretty tired this week as a result, I will cherish every moment he wants to sleep snuggled against me.

FOUR

Note to self: don't go out in public when your toddler wakes up at 5am!  Thursday I had errands to run and I was anxious to get out for a bit since Lucas had woken up at the crack of dawn.  Why oh why did I think that was a good idea.  First I ran into Chapters to pick up an order, well Lucas was none too happy when he realized we were leaving, especially since he loves that place just as much as I do, so he threw himself on the floor,and I had to figure out how to carry my screaming toddler, pick up the box that had fallen out of my hands, and make it to the car in one piece all while 6 months pregnant.  Yeah it wasn't pretty.  I still ended up going to Costco (Yup I was that foolish).  Lucas ten minutes into the shopping figured out how to climb out of the cart and almost threw himself onto the floor.  So I bribed him with a snack and put hims standing inside the cart (yup mother of the year award).  It didn't last that long, and I was literally almost to the check out when Lucas decided to show his displeasure for how long I was taking by grabbing a package of cherry tomatoes and flinging them across the store floor.  We made it home in one piece (barely) and then as I was bringing in the groceries he kept closing the door on me.  I really wanted a glass of wine after that excursion but I settled for a sugary coffee, and let him blow off some steam in the backyard.  I love this kid to bits, but some days he really knows how to test my patience.

FIVE

After all the ups and downs this week, I'm glad I made mommy plans with my sister tonight for some much deserved me time.  I told the hubby I wanted nothing this year for mother's day, just some time for myself.  So tonight my sister and I are going out to dinner and catching the new movie "Mom's Night Out", what could be more appropriate.  I'm sure we will spend more that 50% of the time talking about our kids, but it will be nice to have a meal with her without little hands grabbing at our arms requesting something from us.  Plus both my sister and I have been so busy and sick at different times this month that it will be nice to just get together and catch up.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mamas!

Five on Friday

I'm glad to say that Lucas is finally over his nasty cold from last week.  He's back to his usual exuberant self, and his appetite is back ten fold!  We have had a pretty quiet week around here since mother nature decided to rain on us all week keeping us indoors for the most part, but it helped me get some things around the house done that got neglected while we were sick, and rainy weather is seriously the best kind of weather for naps :)

ONE

Monday was the only sunny day we had all week, and after hibernating with sickness last week, both Lucas and I were raring to get out and play.  We hit the park pretty early in the morning and just ran around for hours.  Lucas is all boy when he's at the park, letting out his fearless little nature and always making the most of his time there.  On this particular day he was feeling more adventurous than usual and started climbing the ladder on the playground set.  He was so focused and I held him the entire time, and he was so happy when he got to the top; however I didn't let him attempt it again, there is only so much anxiety I can take while being pregnant!

TWO  

I try everyday to incorporate a learning activity with Lucas, usually they may be letter work sheets, or shape sorting, or colour recognition.  Although there are certain things we do all the time, namely reading (we do a lot of reading in this house, I recently read a study that says only 20 minutes a day with your toddler is enough to make a difference in a child's language and cognitive development, well we easily spend double if not sometimes triple that time reading a day, spread out at different intervals), we also do puzzles, and play with animals (their names and sounds), every day.  These are usually "games" that I will include in Lucas' playtime, and I find that doing them more often, and for less time during the day is easier on his attention span than doing it for a larger block of time.  This week I added a colour matching activity to his usual playtime since he got this puzzle for Easter and is obsessed with it.  He first seemed more interested in just getting the pieces in the slot, but is slowly understanding that they need to be matched in colour, and I usually get a good 15 minutes of learning time with him on this, and even when he gets it wrong I take the time to repeat often the name of the two colours.  So happy Nonna put this is his basket!

THREE

I have a whole post planned for my nursery plan for baby #2, but we decided that we are going with dinosaurs this time around.  We did a pretty traditional sports theme for Lucas, although we will be switching it up with some Star Wars when we move him to a big boy bed this winter.  I'm keeping the wall colour and furniture neutral and plan to add pops of colour starting with these prints from Etsy as the inspiration.  I really want to have a feature on the walls, but still debating how crazy I want to go.

FOUR

Mother's Day is just around the corner, and this year I told the hubby I don't want anything but a morning to myself.  I don't take time for myself that often.  Ok, let's me honest I don't take time for myself pretty much ever.  Its not that I don't have willing babysitters, or that my husband doesn't encourage me to go out and enjoy myself; I just have a hard time doing it.  I like to be there for my son, and letting go of the responsibility and carving me time is something I struggle with.  Being pregnant has made me evaluate the need to have me time every once in a while so this year I just want to go get a pedicure, have a coffee all on my lonesome, browse Chapters in the non kid section and feel free to sit and peruse a book I may want to purchase, maybe even go watch a matinee.  This will probably happen on the weekend after Mother's Day, cause on that day I want nothing else but to be with my little man, the person who gave me my most favourite job yet!

FIVE

I leave you with this too cute for words picture of my little man, who I realized after this picture squints his eyes in photos EXACTLY like his father!  As if they weren't already more alike!

Have a great weekend everyone.

20 Weeks - Baby #2

How far along - 20 weeks

Baby is the size of - a banana

Sleep - Lucas and I were pretty sick so I was sleeping a lot, I would wake up usually at 4:30 with a lugged nose which made sleeping in the early morning a little difficult, but I was rocking 3 hour naps with Lucas in the afternoon, and I don't feel guilty about it one bit.  Caring for a sick child, while being sick and pregnant is not fun at all, and extremely exhausting.

Gender - BOY! BOY! BOY!  I can't even describe how giddy and happy I am to be adding another boy to the family.  I cannot wait to see Lucas with his future brother and all the shenanigans that the future holds for the hubby and I.  Now we are debating names, We fell in love with the name Lucas instantly together, but this time around the hubby and I are at an impasse cause we both love different names.

Movement - After being sick all week I'm guessing the baby was a little lethargic just like his mommy cause there wasn't that much movement, then this past weekend I felt him tons! Some big kicks too!

Food Cravings/Aversions - Still salads with lots of vinegar.  Kind of over the ham sandwich phase, but still loving bread.  Also some meats like chicken are making me a little queasy, except for a sudden craving for chicken wings on Sunday, where I gorged on the hubby's spicy BBQ wings and loved every minute of it.

Symptoms - Still battling awful skin breakouts on my face, and lots of dry skin particularly on my hands and legs, I've been moisturizing like a mad woman but to no avail unfortunately.  Migraines a few times a week, this is a new symptom for me, and they are so awful.  Still battling a little morning sickness sometimes.

Best moment this week - I would have to say finally seeing Lucas feel better on Thursday, and seeing him play at his nonni's house and back to his usual playful self.  It is so sad to see your child sick and not being able to do anything for them but smother them with extra cuddles.

What I miss - Absolutely nothing this week!

We are hoping to enjoy some of the nice weather this week after being in hibernation all last week!

Five on Friday

Its been a rough and amazing few weeks around here.  We had some great highs, but in the midst of it all my poor little man got his first big cold ever.  So here's how things have been going...

ONE

Things started really great last Thursday when at my anatomy scan we found out we are having another boy.  I had been feeling girl throughout this pregnancy because the symptoms have been so different this time around, but then on the morning of my appointment I had this overwhelming feeling that the news would be the other way around.  So when the technician showed me the clear indication that indeed I was expecting another energetic little man I was just so happy and excited to share the news with the hubby and Lucas.  Everything looked healthy at the ultrasound and now I am in the throes of planning a dinosaur themed nursery for my new little one, and debating names with the hubby.

TWO

On Thursday Lucas started getting really sick, and by Saturday he was just not his usual energetic and playful self.  So Easter turned out to be kind of a bust for us this year, we had headed to my parents earlier in the day and he passed out for a nap at 11:30 am which is so unusual for him, after spending the day miserable, constantly cleaning his runny nose, and nothing making him happy we decided to leave the festivities early and take the little guy home.  Sunday we skipped dinner at my in laws to keep Lucas indoors and just alternating between advil and tylenol, along with some homeopathic remedies I have at home to try and bring down his fever.  We ended up doing Chinese take out, and although the circumstances were kind of sad, it was nice to just spend the day relaxing with my boys. I snapped this adorable pic of him in the only time he was happy watching my sister's birds.

THREE

Unfortunately I got sick at the beginning of the week too so Lucas and I have been spending our days hibernating at home not wanting to risk getting worse especially with the temperamental weather we have been having.  Although its been fairly sunny its been pretty windy and cool in the mornings when we would usually go for our walks.  Lucas' fever finally broke Monday, but it makes me so sad to see him so under the weather and so lethargic, not even wanting to play with his trucks.  I snapped this pic of him on Tuesday, so cute but oh so sad eyes.  I just needed to document for his father that he was actually eating fishies, since he's been sick eating has not been high on his list, giving this mommy so much anxiety.

FOUR

Yesterday was finally a good day, and I started to see a big change in Lucas and myself.  I feel like we are at the tail end of this awful cold, and both mine and his appetite seem to be back.  My craving for vinegar took a back seat this week, and yesterday I gorged on salad with my fave new condiment sweet pickled red onions.  I had these at my mother in laws a few weeks ago, and the hubby made three jars last week.  They are divine and the perfect addition to salads and sandwiches.  Also my little man was actually playful yesterday, and I just love these photos of him.

FIVE

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary, and this year besides the fact that we have been a house full of sickies, we had decided to keep it really low key.  We made a lovely steak dinner for the three of us, and it was soooo good, and bonus was seeing Lucas enjoy his food again.  After putting Lucas to bed we just enjoyed a home date night with tv and dessert just the two of us, and appreciating everything we have in our lives, and making plans for the future.  I love this quote I found online, it perfectly describes the humour the hubby and I have in our marriage.  No one makes annoying me as cute as that hubby of mine!

Have a great weekend everyone!