I am enough

Last Friday my sister and I saw the new movie Mom's Night Out, and while I laughed hysterically through most of the movie with so many of the mom shenanigans resonating with my daily life, it was the most poignant scenes that stayed with me long after I left the theater.  The protagonist is also a stay at home mom who is living out her dream job of raising her family, but somehow feels not only overwhelmed at times, but more importantly feels like she just isn't enough.   Not enough for her husband.  Not enough for her kids.  Not enough as a woman.  Not enough for HERSELF.

This is something I think most moms struggle with.  Finding that balance between the many roles in our lives, and in the meantime feeling that no matter what we are falling somehow short of the expectations.  When someone points out to the mom in the movie that she is not enough in her eyes only, and that God knew what he was doing when he made her the mom to her children, I was just moved to tears.  I was emotional for the clarity of the moment, for hearing the words that every mom needs to hear, for realizing that every insecure moment I have had in my journey through motherhood so far is of my own making and for letting myself be sucked into negative thoughts.  I question myself all the time, and although at times that is just part of the process of mothering, sometimes its destructive to my own self esteem.

I need to live up to this unspoken reality of what being a mother is, to fulfilling an itemized list that the universe has put out there for all mothers.  FALSE.

I need to realize that my child is happy, every smile and laugh that shines on his face is a product of the family home and environment I have fostered for him in the image that I have created.  TRUTH.

I need to be the perfect mother, wife, and woman; everyday no matter how hard that may be.  FALSE.

I need to be the mother my child needs, the wife my husband fell is love with and the one he falls in love with everyday (hopefully), and the woman that ends the day feeling like she conquered it all in her own mind.  TRUTH.

What we do as mothers every day is hard.  Its easy.  Its exhausting.  Its overwhelming.  Its IMPORTANT.  Its the most essential and important job in the world, and we are doing it for free.  We are molding the future generation, we are teaching children the concept of right and wrong, and to respect themselves.  We are showing them how to treat other people with kindness, and care.  We are taking care of defenseless beings, that rely on us for every basic need.  Our jobs never end, even as they sleep the night away in blissful dream land, we turn to the chores that didn't get done, we worry about them, they permeate my dreams.  Its a thankless job that I wouldn't exchange for any money in the world, and I will gladly continue to being paid in hugs and kisses, and the occasional flattery from my better half, who I know appreciates my everyday efforts.

I realize that if I have a better perception of myself than just maybe my sons will have a better appreciation of their own mother in consequence.

I need to continue living in the image of the type of mother that I want to be, and who I believe I already am.  There will always be another dish to clean, a house to organize, dinners to make; and through it all I am raising my family with love, laughter, and happiness.  As I kiss them all goodnight, and know that love has not faded, we laughed today, and we are all happy then I know that I did what I set out the day to do; and really that makes me enough.