The Great Soother Debate

We don't use a pacifier, and we didn't want to.  There I said it.

I sometimes feel judged for my decision to not introduce the soother to Lucas, but the reality is that every child is different, and beyond the fact that we didn't really encourage it, he was also not a fan of using one.  There were a few times that we tried giving it to him, and he would either spit it out, or chew on it.  After a few weeks of tormenting myself on whether we should try to force the soother on him, we settled on doing what clearly was working for our child, and stopped giving it to him altogether.

There are huge debates for the pros and cons of using a soother, and we found that luckily the cons really did not apply to us, and they weren't enough of a reason to "make" us want to use it.  Babies who use pacifiers are said to have an easier time at soothing, which is just so contradictory to me, cause the reality is that they are relying on an object to soothe themselves.  Its true, it is easier to soothe a baby with a pacifier, and it is a lot of work and so much patience is required on the parent to not use a soother, since you take the place of the pacifier in his/her life.  However, we have realized that by not introducing the soother, Lucas learned to soothe himself fairly early, and I am a firm believer that it was huge proponent in contributing to his sleep habits. 

When we decided to sleep train Lucas at 5 months, after going through a dreadful fourth month of sleep regression, we did a form of cry it out, letting him cry for 2 minutes, walking into his room patting his tummy and saying some loving words without picking him up, and then walking away, continuing this process, increasing the amount we would let him cry in 2 minute increments.  The first night we tried he cried for a combined 15 minutes, by the third night, Lucas would wake up, often sit up move to another spot of the crib and eventually fall asleep...with no tears.  We haven't looked back since, even when he has been teething, he will wake up in the middle of the night more often, but never crying, and never needing us to go to him.  The only exceptions have been if he's under the weather, or had a bad day of naps, but he still puts himself to sleep.  We implemented the same protocol for naps, although this took a little more time to stick and teething seems to affect more his daytime sleeping, overall he gets a book and cuddle before naptime, and falls asleep on his own after a few minutes.

I am a huge believer that part of the success we have had in his sleeping patterns is due to the fact that we did not use the pacifier (along with sleep training fairly early).  Lucas did not require to look for a soother that had fallen out of his mouth when he would wake up in the middle of the night, and once he realized that I would not come running to ever cry and complaint, he ceased to need me as a replacement soother.  Essentially we did not give Lucas any crutches on which to soothe himself, so he had to learn to do that for himself.  Does he still rush to us and require extra attention when he's cranky, hurt, and tired...of course, but I'm pretty sure that's standard fare for most children his age.  His disposition is for the most part sunny, and we often get comments about how he always smiling, which I of course love hearing.  He has his moments, like any child, but a song or cuddle often result in turning the situation around. 

Another big con of not using the soother people debate is the issue of thumb sucking, as a replacement for the pacifier.  Yet again, thankfully, this does not apply to us, but I will admit that this was one that had me the most worried and conflicted at the beginning.  As long as Lucas has his blanket and stuffed animal in the crib with him he will fall asleep, and sometimes those items have been missing, and he will still make his way to slumbertown, just maybe a little later.  My mother in law did not use soothers for my husband and sisters in law, and she had just essentially warned me that when the time came to gently remove his finger from his mouth, and eventually he will catch on; I'm glad to say that I never had to resort to it.  Lucas will only "suck" on his fingers when he is teething, and I use quotation marks cause its not really sucking per say that he does, but rather uses his fingers to rub his gums.  I usually remove his finger anyway, and try to offer an alternative teether, and this usually works.

I am not an expert by any means, and I am most certainly not condoning anyone for using a soother, I am just saying I followed my gut with this decision and for us it worked the best.  Like any mother will say, every child is different, and we are all just trying to find our way, after all these little people didn't come with manuals.