Good Mother, Bad Wife

Lately I feel like I haven't been making the time or the effort for the hubby and in turn for my marriage,  and I'm feeling pretty rotten about it.   Our relationship is rock solid, I don't want that to be misconstrued, the core of our marriage is never unwavering in my mind,and perhaps that's why we can go through moments like these and always come out unblemished. The issue is spending time with one another, or the fact that my energy during the day playing, teaching,and caring for our child; coupled with dealing with all other domestic responsibilities has me spent by the end of the day.

I feel sometimes like I'm spreading myself a little too thin, and something has to suffer in the long run.  So patience goes lacking.  Time to recharge doesn't exist unless a 15 minute hot shower counts.  Time to think about going the extra mile just isn't there. 

So when the hubby gets home and is his usual boisterous joking self, I don't have time to indulge him, or I start an argument for the silliest things because today was a long day with an energetic child who is teething on top of all things, and I'm not going to lose my cool on my baby, so the other love in my life gets the brunt of it.  Usually I let this kind of dilemma roll off of me cause the reality is that 90% of my day is spent being a mom, and I'm kind of rocking that part right now.  I'm excelling at juggling play dates, crafts, and overall raising my child.  I'm at home, but its work; and I sneer at anyone who will try to say otherwise.

Result.  I feel like a big fail in the wife department.  

What makes me feel even more guilt ridden is how understanding Gianni is.  He is the one who will send me away to take a break and have an extra long shower, he always encourages me to nap and leave the laundry for another day when he can be around to help, and lord knows how many times I pre prepare dinner only to have him cook it when he gets home.  Yup, I'm a lucky lady.

Like most wives and moms I feel we struggle to fulfill our expectations everyday, but I often find those expectations are unrealistic ones we put on ourselves, and forget that we are only human, its ok that we can't do it all.  Life changes when you have kids, and you no longer have that freedom to just go on a random date night to recharge your batteries, or to indulge in a day in bed.  Most of the time we find moments to steal for just the two of us, a late dinner without a child asking for our attention, snuggles on the couch while the little guy is sleeping, cooking dinner together talking about our day.  I'm lucky that even though I feel like a fail lately, the man I am so neglecting doesn't think so, and is often the voice of reason to my unrealistic self-pitying rants. 

With all that being said, I have already taken a moment of introspection and made moves to put new energy into our relationship this week.  I was aware of the unfairness of laying all my frustrations on him, for really no reason, and we have found time to just snuggle on the couch, lay in bed and just talk, and making time for one another; even if its just a late dinner just the two of us after Lucas has gone to bed.  Its important to both of us to remember that we are spouses, as well as parents, and its important that Lucas knows and sees his parents in love, building a secure and happy family life. 

Just yesterday we were tidying up after dinner and I leaned in and grabbed a kiss from the hubby, only to look up and see Lucas watching us, and then for him to stand up and send us kisses. 

Melted. My. Heart.

This just made me more convicted in making sure that no matter what I carve time to show love to this first guy who stole my heart.  After all there's always going to be laundry to fold.