Slobberry Kisses

Both boys have an afternoon nap at almost the exact same time and it takes some delicate time management to get them both down peacefully.  It's something I really haven't perfected to be honest.  Lucas usually watches 20 mins of T.V. while I play on the floor with Marcus, then we head into big brother's room for some story time and then Marcus gets a bottle. The 15 mins after that are rough.  I try to go to Marcus' room for a quick cuddle then put him down so I can head to Lucas' room and give him the same attention before putting him down.  It seems simple enough.  Yup not so much.

Marcus often senses I'm going to put him down soon so he starts to fidget.  Sometimes when I head to his room, even though I tell Lucas that I will be right back some days he isn't having it and he will follow me and plant himself in the hall way very upset which only makes his brother even more unwilling to be put down.  Some days after putting Marcus in his crib he starts wailing the moment I leave the room so the whole time I'm trying to cuddle with Lucas I hear his cries and I feel all sorts guilty and horrible.  Most days lately after Lucas goes into his bed, thankfully he never fusses for this part, I end up having to get Marcus and lay with him so he can nap.  Let's me honest by the then I'm done for as well.

This all means that by the time 130 rolls around and naps are looming in the near future I'm equal parts dreadful and elated.  Sometimes neither boy is keen on a before nap story and I guiltily lay on the floor with them exhausted from mothering all day.  This has all been exacerbated by the fact that sleep has not been my friend lately.

The other day we were having one of those days.  Lucas was running around his room yelling like a banshee.  Marcus was attempting to catch up to his brother and in the process kept falling over.  I was sitting there watching the scene and just counting down the minutes until they were napping cause I was craving silence.

Then Lucas came over.  Grabbed my face in his little hands and kissed me.  No asking.  No prodding.  Just an unsolicited kiss from my first born.  Then copying his brother like he does so much lately Marcus crawled over asked to be lifted and gave me the most slobberry kiss for the first time.  Huge grins were had by all and then they proceeded to go about their way.  

15 mins later the usual nap time scene occurred but I rolled with it.  No guilt.  No fear that I was failing some how in showing them equal parts love and attention.   I held on to those sweet kisses and I could almost feel their imprint after both were quietly slumbering away.  I shed  a few tears of contentment and relief cause maybe just maybe I'm a little too hard on myself.

Those kisses.  Those sweet kisses that I hand t even asked for were just what I needed to know that maybe I'm doing an ok job after all.