Being parents, its so easy to put your relationship on the back burner, and forget that the person who stands next to you isn't just your partner in poop patrol, or your sidekick entertainer, or even your back up singer to every child song you can remember. He's your partner, period, the one who stands by your side in all facets of life.
When you forget that, its so easy to let little things slide, or even make big issues out of little things.
I sometimes find us arguing over the simplest of things, and often in retrospect silly stuff. Its easy to let house obligations, and family concerns weigh down a couple when you spend all your energy on the little person in your life. You find yourself nitpicking over who forgot to take the garbage out, or who left a dirty shirt just laying on the floor, or who forgot to buy more milk. We are pretty good I must say in having responsibilities divided amongst the two of us, so that these sort of arguments seldom happen, but every once in a while you have an off day, and your patience is worn thin, and you put all your bad mood on that person.
Being in a stable relationship sometimes requires work, but it doesn't feel like it when you communicate with one another, when you make time for each other, and when you try to always remember what made you fall in love with that person every day. When you become parents, you automatically add to your home workload, and you may find things that used to matter or take precedence no longer have room in your life. Your relationship should never be one of those things.
The reality is that even though there have been moments in the last few months when we have let worries and concerns strain our relationship, we have never wavered too far from the one truth; that we love each other and are each others best friend; and parenthood has only strengthened that bond. My mother-in-law once told me that growing up she used to idolize her parents' relationship cause she knew that they loved each other, and that sometimes she felt they lived in their own world separate from their children; that their marriage was just as much as a priority as being parents. When she sees Gianni and I, she says she sees her parents. I hope that one day Lucas grows up with that same conviction of his parents' love.
In the last few months, seeing Gianni as a father has only made me love him so much more. He lives for the smiles that Lucas gives him as he walks through the door, or the early morning tickle fests on the weekends, and the dadas that Lucas so liberally shouts out. Spending moments on the porch talking watching the little guy discover the world, eating dinner together as a family, encouraging our son to learn and develop, makes me fall in love with the man that he already is, and the new one that he has become.
You find time to hold hands while your son plays in front of you, you lean in for a kiss as your son eats between you, and you exchange a loving look while the little one playfully takes his bath. Your son will grow up learning that its important to show affection, that you should love and respect that person you share your life with, and hopefully he will become an image of his father's model.
When you have those harried days of despair, when your patience is wearing thin, and you need to time yourself out; remember to forget the little nuances, and cling to the little things that matter, and always remember to laugh.
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