* Last week was my birthday, 31, I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not those type of women who after a certain age stop "aging" and have repeat birthdays every year. I'm going to embrace every wrinkle, age spot, and white hair that comes my way, its inevitable after all, and its only a sign that I have lived. My boys took me out to my favourite sushi restaurant for dinner, and it was a low key evening, pretty much exactly what I wanted. I did end up having my family over on Saturday for a seafood feast, a truly Portuguese style celebration and that was equally lovely. I have a shopping trip, all on my lonesome with my name on it, courtesy of my husband for some time this week too!
* My sister and niece came over earlier on Saturday so that the kids could get some more play time. We have always dreamed of the time when we would have kids, and they would grow up together; and even though we do not live right around the corner from each other, we do our best to get together on a regular basis so the kids spend time with one another. I had prepared a simple craft for the kids to do together, and we adults found it hilarious when my niece would get upset that Lucas kept decorating her craft as well as his. She's almost 3, so she talks up a storm and her expressions are just to die for. For now Lucas just puts his hands up in the air and tries to argue with her, equally adorable; but I can't wait to see what the next year has in store for these two.
* My little sister Gyselle is just not so little anymore. She's turning 10 this coming March, and she's so great with her young niece and nephew. On Saturday she actually helped bathe Lucas, and I couldn't help have my heart burst with pride and love. She has a lot of personality, and oftentimes sounds like she's 9 going on 30, but she continues to be my best little sister.
* I've been on an organizing kick lately, and I just finished organizing my office to include a playroom for Lucas. It's pretty bare right now, so when I have some colourful prints on the wall I will have to post some pictures. I'm taking advantage of this need for order to tackle other projects around the house, and its also extended to other parts in my life: finances, routines, schedules, personal goals, that overall make me happier. I need order in my life, and I'm a huge list person. Its complete satisfaction to put a line through a finished item on my lists.
*I've had the house decorated for a week now, and it really helps cheer my soul up. This is my most favourite time of the year, I love everything about decorating, baking, the smells, the lights, and the season's events. I actual prefer to give gifts than get them, nothing makes me happier than seeing someone's face light up over something that I gave them after careful thought. I'm planning some events for Lucas in the next couple of weeks, and can't wait to share with him my love for the holidays.
* For the past few weeks I had been feeling pretty down, and conflicted. Something happened that I don't want to get into specifically but it made me question certain relationships in my life, and worse my view on raising my son. From the day Lucas was born I have prided myself in how I confront the trials of motherhood; I have taken certain things from my own childhood, and either used them verbatim or adapted them to better suit mine and Gianni's lifestyle and beliefs. Have I had moments where I questioned myself? 100%. Its only natural to journey though motherhood with doubt and worry, but its destructive and damaging when that doubt is stemmed from someone else. I've moved on from this feeling; with a lot of self-reflection, talks with my own parents, leaning on my husband, and with prayer. I have realized that I am a good, if not great mother, and I should never question that again; no matter what vicious words may be thrown my way.
* On the same thought process, I've also come to realize that my family, as it pertains to my husband and son, are and will always remain my number one priority. I have room in my life for my extended family, both mine and Gianni's, but I can't please everyone, I have to do what is best for my little family unit. This was and is a difficult realization for me since I've always been a people pleaser, and often put other people's feelings above my own; but its truly exhausting and not worthwhile. As long as my boys are happy and taken care of, well than I will always be a happy woman.
If you're still reading these ramblings spitting from my mind, than a big thank you to you. Hope you all have a great week ahead, and stay warm!
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